We have the best selection of dirty one liner jokes on the internet.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
What’s long, black and smelly? The unemployment line.
If God made anything better than pussy he kept it for himself.
Am I getting under your skin? The only skin you’ll be getting under is my ball sack.
Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.
The only reason the term ‘Ladies first’ was invented was for the guy to check out the woman’s ass.
When we were together, you always said you’d die for me. Now that we’ve broke up, I think it’s time you…
How much semen does a gay guy have? A butt load.
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.
Why is a man’s pee yellow, and his sperm white? So he can tell if he’s coming or going.
Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on him.
Why do witches not wear underwear? So they get a better grip.
The only thing harder than midterms was my penis when I found out Bruce Jenner was switching genders.
Wanna meet Santa’s little helper?
Masturbation always leads to sex. It’s a gateway tug.
Do you play volleyball? Because you look like your good on ur knees!
Are you from Pennsylvania cause I want to stick my pen in your sylvania
She gave me an Australian kiss. It’s the same as a French kiss, but down under.
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty…
What’s the name of the latest gay sitcom? “Leave it, it’s Beaver.”
The Invisible Man can fart and pretend that he is not to blame.
If a guy remembers the color of your eyes after the first date, chances are… you have small boobs.
Might I integrate your curves tonight?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Are my undies showing? [“No.”] “Would you like them to?”
Why can’t blondes count to 70? Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.
I bet even your farts smell good.
If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?
FRIDAY is my second favorite F word.
I love every bone in your body, especially mine.
Why did God give Black guy’s big dicks? He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.
What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant? Any place without a drive-up window.
My foot isn’t the only part of me that’s lucky
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course? He was playing with too many strokes.
Doctor: “You need to stop masturbating.” Patient: “Why?” Doctor: “Because I would like to start the exam.”
I may not have a dick but you’re a massive one!
Why did God create gay men? So fat girls could dance.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I’ll throw you my meat.
What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy? A dry Martinez.
The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used.
She just wanted to make her friend jealous and accidentally made a porno.
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full.
What do tofu and dildos have in common? They’re both meat substitutes.
Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Sex operator: “Mmmm tell me what you’re wearing.” Eskimo: “Everything I own basically.”
You must work at subway…cause you’re givin’ me a foot long.
What is the difference between “ooooooh”and “aaaaaaah”? About three inches.
Are you from Japan? Cause I’m currently trying to get in japanties.
If you and I were squirrels, could I bust a nut in your hole?
Let’s both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.
Girl, if you were a camel, I’d hump you!
What is the difference between a joke and 3 dicks? Your mom can’t take a joke.
I’m being managed by Don King again
What is the same about a blonde and a dog? They both suck dick.
I want to do to your body what Mitt Romney does to poor people.
Party host: Anyone here allergic to nuts? Because I like to rest mine on the table.
My dad used to always warn me about anal. He would say “Now son, this may hurt a bit”.
A dick has a sad life. His hair’s a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor’s an asshole, his best friend’s…
What’s the difference between sand and menstrual blood? You can’t gargle sand.
I’ll get you wetter than a Scottish summer.
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, “Anything you say can and will be held…
Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you’d be a Gorgeousaurus
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction…
What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common? You don’t look down.
I’m the flower, you’re the bee. Why don’t you suck the sweet pollen right out of me?
What do you do when you find out Viagra isn’t working for you? You go Cialis!
Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.
How can you make a gay man scream twice? Fudge him real hard. Then wipe your dick off on his curtains.
Did you hear about the gay security guard who got fired from his job at the sperm bank? He got caught…
How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?
Hi, I’m a geologist – I was wondering if I could explore your natural resources…
My cat’s dead, can I play with your pussy instead?
What did the black girl say while having sex? Dad get off me your crushing my ciggies.
My friend’s girlfriend is 6 months pregnant, they asked if I wanna put my hand on the baby. Apparently, they meant…
If a man talks dirty to a woman, that’s sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, that’ll be…
What did one squirrel say to the other? Come around the tree and I’ll show you my nuts.
I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won’t stop texting me.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Rape is a terrible crime… I’ll never understand how a man can traumatize a woman like that. That’s why I always…
Anal sex does not make one’s day it makes one’s hole weak
Please cooperate otherwise it gonna look like rape.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8′ to 11′ tall.
Why are women like KFC? After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box…
Some people prefer their women young and tender; I prefer mine ten and younger.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.
When a woman breast feeds in public it’s called natural, but when I do it, the woman calls the cops.
Spreading rumors? At least you’re spreading something else besides your legs.
My best toys run on batteries
What’s the difference between a Harley and a vacuum cleaner? The position of the dirtbag.
Haven’t seen R. Kelly’s sex tape? Well, urine for a surprise.
I was masturbating today and my hand fell asleep – that’s got to be the ultimate rejection.
What’s got four legs and one arm? A Rottweiler.
Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass?
I was at a restaurant and I noticed my waitress had a black eye. So I ordered very sloooowly because obviously…
So I hear you like snakes…I have one its called a “trouser snake”
You have the perfect face for radio.
If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger…
If you were a TSA agent, I would be happy to get a body scan.
Why do women have vaginas? So men will talk to them.
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Why did the snowman take his pants off? Because he saw the snowblower coming.
Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.
My brain boots up like a 10 year old PC that frequents gambling and adult websites.
You know your girlfriend’s frigid if the lights go on when you open her legs.
How does a man show he’s planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Lets unzip our genes and see if we can share codes together.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? “How do you breathe through that tiny thing?”
Got an e-mail today from a “bored housewife 33, looking for some action!” I’ve sent her my ironing, that’ll keep her…
Men? On the whole, I’d rather buy new batteries.
What did one gay sperm say to another? “How do we find an egg in all of this shit?”
What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds.
Was your ass forged by Sauron because it is precious!
Masturbating makes your dick smaller. Don’t believe me? Asians have really fast internet. Africa doesn’t.
What’s the definition of black foreplay? Don’t scream or I’ll kill you.
What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.
At least cunts are useful you’re not.
Why did God give blondes pussys? So guys will talk to them at parties.
The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
Top quark or bottom quark?
What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease? One is a cunning runt, and the other is…
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
I can’t believe that you were the sperm that won the race, and your still slow.
I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.
Wanna play guns? Bend over and I’ll cock you.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy.
Girl, we can play zoo..and you can tame my monkey
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo.
Why do vegetarians give good head? Because they are used to eating nuts!
Why men’s voice is louder than women? Men have an antenna.
The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: a rip off
Sometimes I hide my girlfriend’s inhaler so the neighbors think I’m a stud when they hear her panting, “Give it to…
How do you know the handprint on the wet paint was left by a man? Because they can’t look and not…
If you were a pole I would dance all over you.
I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a shit in days.
Looking at you is getting my dick harder than Chuck Norris
Wanna expand my polynomial?
It is better to have a hole in your hand than a hand in your hole.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to…
How does one know a man is going to say something smart?..His senentences start with “A woman once told me..”
If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas.
What do you say we make this a Not-so-Silent Night?
Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute? The prostitute because she can wash and…
Do you wanna play lion tamer? she asks: “What is that?” you say: It’s when you get on all fours and…
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn’t have time.
My wife had her period at a Manchester United game, and all I got was this bloody t-shirt.
Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?
I’m as bored as a slut on her period.
Why do Gay men pay such high car insurance? Because they are always getting creamed from behind!
Is that shirt (those pants) mad of camel skin? (No, why?) Cause I noticed the humps!
Hey baby…I can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch?
Hey gurl, how about you make the Patriots and deflate these balls.
Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor.
You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here.
Why do women prefer old gynecologists? Their shaky hands!
But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.
Why is Justing Bieber like a shotgun? Give him a cock and he will blow!
After 20 years of marriage, I still get blow jobs. If my wife finds out, she’ll fucking kill me.
Are you a Nice girl or Good girl?: NICE girls blush when they watch porn, GOOD girls smile cause they know…
Is your name country crock, cause you can spread for me anytime.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
Life’s a jungle let’s go to your place and fuck like animals!
Why don’t rednecks do reverse cowgirl? They never turn their back on family.
Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
What’s one of the worst things about giving a man a blow job? The view.
In my bed, it’s perpetual motion all night long, baby.
What did the letter O said to letter Q? Put some pants on.
Wanna get together and test the spring potential of my mattress?
All panties aside, it’s Friday.
Instead of “Who’s your daddy” I accidentally said, “How’s your daddy” and we put our clothes back on and started discussing…
What do women addicted to heroin got in common with ice-hockey players? They both change clothes after three periods.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them…
Why do gay men fake orgasms? Because they will be in deep shit if they don’t!
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits!
How do you make a pool table laugh? You reach into its pockets and tickle its balls.
Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
What does a cow say to bull? Are you always that horn-ny!
Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
Hot single grannies in your area want you to look at how tall you’ve gotten.
It’s so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won’t pee on my shoes.
Do you wanna see a magic trick? Watch me pull something out of my pants!
You’re the cumshot that your mom wanted to swallow but your dad couldn’t pull out in time.
I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.
What’s the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball!
What did one boob say to the other boob? You are my breast friend!
A woman just asked me if I like thighs or breasts. Told her I like shaved vagina and anal. Apparently, this…
Why can’t single women fart? They don’t get an asshole till they get married.
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send…
Three words to ruin a man’s ego…? “Is it in?”
If God hadn’t meant the pussy to be eaten, he wouldn’t have made it look like a taco.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year.
How do you tell if a chick’s too fat to f*ck? When you pull her pants down and her ass is…
What do you call a dumb brunette? A dirty blonde.
You grow on people….so does cancer.
I don’t think it’s possible for me to become a sniper. Not by a long shot.
Why was Jesus a virgin when he died? Every time he touched a “wound” it closed.
Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?
There’s a easter parade in my pants…wanna go?
You was sent away by the devil for unlidding raw gas out of your ass.
Why don’t women have men’s brains? Because they don’t have penises to put them in.
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
What do gay men call hemorrhoids? Speed Bumps.
What is better than a cold Bud? A warm bush.
My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again.
How do you get four queers on a bar stool? Turn it upside down.
Roses are red, so are your lips. Sit on my face and wiggle those hips.
What’s the best thing about 28 year old’s? There’s 20 of them.
Fuck me if I’m wrong, but isn’t your name Cindrella?
Screw the nice list, I’ve got you on my “nice and naughty list!
How do you know if a police officer is gay? The smell of his mustache.
Remember all those memories from being a kid, like the time you got in the van and realized the man didn’t…
You’re so stupid you could count your balls all day long and never come up with the same number twice.
What is the difference betwen a blonde and a Lamborghini? You don’t let your friends borrow your Lamborghini.
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you’re doing it wrong …
Why do white men stay with their women? They’ll have a hard time trying to find another that likes little dicks.
I bought a box of condoms earlier today. The cashier asked if I’d like a bag. I said “nah, I’ll just…
Condoms? Hah! Those are for pussies!
The best curve on a girl is her smile… Naw just kiddin, look at dat ass.
Why was the snowman so brave? Because he had big snow balls.
What do u find in an empty nose? Finger prints.
Why did the downhill skier take off all his clothes? Because he wanted to get windblown.
Life is like oral sex, one slip of the tongue and you’re in the shit.
The Titanic was built to last, let that sink in.
What did the hurricane say to the palm tree? Better hold onto your nuts because this is no ordinary blowjob.
I love my FedEx guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he doesn’t even know it — and he’s always on…
Life is a lot like a penis – soft, relaxed and hanging free… then a woman makes it hard.
What do you call a snowman orgy? A snowball fight.
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her…
How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced.
Shut up, you’ll never be the man your mother is.
Those days I only knew six words if you count muther fucker as two.
Why can’t you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.
You know you’re getting old when you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Why did the lady snowman divorce her husband? She found out he was going to a snow blower.
What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him.
Do you sell hot dogs? Because you know how to make a wiener stand.
Have you ever tried camping sex? No, well its fucking in tents!
When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
I don’t mean to be forward girl but do you swallow? Ok Cool. Swallow these 7 balloons of Heroin and get…
Why did the belt get arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants!
I’ll show you where easter eggs come from — you may be surprised!
I live in a hutch filled with vibrating cedar chips
Do you know what the square root of 69 is? Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx….)
Friend: “I think my mom hit her period last night” Me: “Oh that’s my bad I fucked your mom a little…
What’s better than roses on your piano? Tulips on your organ.
What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
What’s the worst part about going to a gay picnic? All the hotdogs taste like shut.
A slut is someone who’ll have sex with anyone, a bitch is someone who’ll have sex with anyone except you.
Most guys walk up and stick it in… I stick it in then walk up…
Did you know that your body is made 70% of water? And now I’m thirsty.
Blind man walks into a bar… And a table, and a chair.
If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting?
You know you’ve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows.
Why’d the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong pair of socks.
Word of the day is Legs. Now go spread the word.
What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? Married.
If we were stranded in a desert and a snake bit my penis, would you suck the poison out?
You know I would love to show you the toys my elves make for adults.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts? Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
My boss touched me inappropriately at work today. It’s okay though, I’m self-employed.
Today a fortune cookie told me that every exit is an entrance. Long story short, my girlfriend said no.
Don’t let an extra chromosome get you down.
It must be something in the air that is causing a lot of women to get pregnant… Their legs.
Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius… I’ve been using money.
What is a snowman’s favorite sex position? Sled doggy-style.
Hey, I’m not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the Histoy channel.
What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business? 1. No mind. 2. No business.
If you’re slutty enough, every day can be Halloween.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn’t close his casket.
What is 6.9? A good thing ruined by a period.
What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
Why doesn’t Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.
Just because you have one doesn’t mean you have to act like one.
I have a fantasy, to sleep with 2 women… in the same year.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to…
You know, it’s not the length of the vector that counts… it’s how you apply the force.
My wife complained that the vacuum sucks too hard on the rugs and I made a joke… anyway, I’m sleeping on…
Virginity is not dignity, but lack of opportunity.
I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple, Jill…
What is the difference between a sperm and a lawyer? None, both have one in a million chance to be human…
How do you fix a woman’s watch? Why should you? There’s a clock on the oven.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six…
How are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don’t…
Hey baby, I heard that rabbits, can make 150 babies a year, how many do you think we can make in…
Boy: Have u ever been fishing before Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!
What’s 6 foot long, vibrates and turns a small penis into a giant prick? A motorcycle.
Is that a bat in your pocket, or does my costume excite you?
Ever have sex while camping? Take my word when I say it’s fucking intents.
Two ADV riders camping out in a tent. One of them crawls out to pee before bed. Comes back all wet….
Excuse me, but do you like whales? (yeah, why) Cause I was thinking that we could “humpback” at my place.
If you really want to know about mistakes, you should ask your parents.
Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”? Girl: But mom, he…
I just created a new assembler for the ladies only. It is named “Org-asm”.
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? My pad or yours?
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig? A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.
What have a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery driver got in common? They can both smell it but can’t eat it.
Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!
If a dove is the bird of peace, then is a swallow the bird of love?
I know its not Christmas, but Santa’s lap is always ready.
What’s a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
How does a black chick tell if she’s pregnant? When she pulls the tampon out, all the cotton is already picked.
Baby, let’s configure our hard drives in master and slave position.
I watched a really sad porn film the other day – it was a real tear-jerker.
Why did the female snowman delete Tinder? She was getting too many snow cone pics.
PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.
You still use Internet Explorer? You must like it nice and slow.
There are hundred holes in in my wife’s body; one of them is filled by my dick and the 99 others…
I run faster horny than you do scared.
Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?
What is the hardest thing about being a man? His penis.
I love dangerous sex, in fact, I masturbate with no hand.
He’s so ugly he has to buy flowers for his own hand.
How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.
Hi, I’m bisexual. I’d like to BUY you a drink…and then get sexual.
I’m no weatherman but I know you’re going to get 3 inches tonight.
What is the world’s biggest oxymoron. Black People.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said “I shaved my pussy, you know what that means? I said “yeah,…
Did you hear about the 2 gay men that got into a fight in a bar? They were ejected for exchanging…
Want to take a look at my benefit package?
Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
Yo mama is so stupid, she put cat food down her pants to feed her pussy.
Yo momma’s like a door handle… everybody gets a turn
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps…
When I die, I hope I have enough time to point at a complete stranger and whisper “You did this.”
A man is walking through a graveyard when he sees another man squatting next to a grave. “Morning!” he calls out….
Masturbating is wrong in some people’s eyes… Also, it burns.
Miss Anders… I didn’t recognise you with your clothes on.
I was never great with girls but I have standards… I don’t date ugly girls… I make them fucking ugly…
What do they do with blacks after they die? Gut them and use them as wetsuits.
My computer’s got Miley Virus. It has stopped twerking.
What’s the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!
A penis is like a Rubik’s Cube – the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
Why do women pierce their bellybutton? Place to hang their air freshener.
Do you know what a Timberwolf is? No. Thats a guy that chases a girl up a tree and kisses her…
What is a gay person’s favorite desert on a hot day? Ass cream cones.
What’s the difference between a hooker and a woman with a cold? A woman with a cold blows her nose…
Interested in seeing the “North Pole”? (Well, that’s what the Mrs. calls it)
I slapped Dwayne Johnson’s ass. I guess I’ve hit Rock Bottom.
The more I practice boxing, the more unclear and obscure things are around me.
What do women and modern computers have in common? Neither one will accept a 3 and a half inch floppy.
Why can’t men get mad cow disease? Because they’re all pigs.
Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they’re 100% off,
My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job.
What do you call a porn star with a little dick? White!
How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
The girls in my local strip club are so good with computers they do lap top dancing.
If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.
Sperm is white and pee is yellow so a man can tell if he’s coming or going.
I’d like to think inside your box.
What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.
What did the card dealer say to the table of 16 year old girls? Blackjack is just like my sex life,…
My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.
A good bar is like a good woman – liquor in the front and poker in the back.
Intimacy is selfish: into me see.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Yell at her.
Why do they call it PMS? Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
Why did the woman cross the road? Never mind that, what the fuck is she doing out of the kitchen?
The national debt isn’t the only thing that’s rising.
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