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    Jokes

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March 9, 2018

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.

March 9, 2018

Last night in my dream I was peeing in bed. Dreams do come true I realized in the morning.

Last night in my dream I was peeing in bed. Dreams do come true I realized in the morning.

March 9, 2018

I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls.

I have the Emergency Alert Warning sound set as the ringtone for when my wife calls.

March 9, 2018

A straight face and a sincere-sounding “Huh?” have gotten me out of more trouble than I can remember.

A straight face and a sincere-sounding “Huh?” have gotten me out of more trouble than I can remember.

March 9, 2018

Tennis would be way more exciting if they used dogs for ball boys.

Tennis would be way more exciting if they used dogs for ball boys.

March 9, 2018

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?

Someone donates one kidney and is hailed as a hero. I donate five, and get arrested?

March 9, 2018

There’s no “I” in “team” but there are 5 in “individual brilliance”.

There’s no “I” in “team” but there are 5 in “individual brilliance”.

March 9, 2018

You know the guy that was in the ring? Turns out the one he fought with was a bunch of bull.

You know the guy that was in the ring? Turns out the one he fought with was a bunch of bull.

March 9, 2018

Do you want to see a murderer? Kill someone and look yourself in the mirror.

Do you want to see a murderer? Kill someone and look yourself in the mirror.

March 9, 2018

Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving.

Scratches and dents on the doors of your car are the side effects of bad driving.