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    Jokes

    time

March 9, 2018

If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.

If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.

March 9, 2018

I hate when I’m running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it’s been 4 minutes.

I hate when I’m running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it’s been 4 minutes.

March 9, 2018

How does an elephant climb a tree? It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

How does an elephant climb a tree? It stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

March 9, 2018

Kids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls.

Kids, stay in school and get a good degree so you can spend 40% of your life on conference calls.

March 9, 2018

My kids are at an age now where they are beginning to understand embarrassment. This is my time to shine.

My kids are at an age now where they are beginning to understand embarrassment. This is my time to shine.

March 9, 2018

Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.

Age is just the number of hours I’m hungover for.

March 9, 2018

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.

March 9, 2018

Till now my life was a mystery now I am going to make it a history.

Till now my life was a mystery now I am going to make it a history.

March 9, 2018

Ugh, who has time to work out?… I say before a 45 minute nap.

Ugh, who has time to work out?… I say before a 45 minute nap.

March 9, 2018

I’ve pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I’ve accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me.

I’ve pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I’ve accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me.